In many ways, fibromyalgia has become a teacher for our whole family.
Parenting is never simple—but parenting with fibromyalgia while raising a neurodivergent [1] child can sometimes feel like climbing a mountain without rest. The unpredictable pain, fatigue, and brain fog of fibromyalgia often collide with the challenges of supporting a child whose needs don’t fit neatly into typical expectations. Some days it feels like I’m pouring from an already-empty cup.
And yet, in the middle of the exhaustion, I’ve learned something powerful: the earlier I identify my child’s strengths and struggles, the smoother our path becomes—for all of us. Children who feel understood and supported build resilience, confidence, and lasting well-being.
My Story
I remember a particularly challenging moment just before my fibromyalgia diagnosis. I had gone to multiple doctors looking for answers to my pain, fatigue, emotional sensitivity, and headaches. Doctors told me it was “just part of being a new mom” and that I needed to push through. Several suggested adding a 20-minute walk each day—“it can’t hurt,” they said. But it did.
After a few weeks of forcing myself to take those walks, I came home one day after strolling my daughter along a wooded path. I collapsed on the couch between my kids while they watched TV, tears running down my face. I felt like a stranger in my own body, filled with pain—helpless, broken, and desperate for answers.
Around that same time, I was noticing things about my son. From an early age, I suspected he might be on the spectrum. He was bright and resourceful, finding ways to communicate his needs before he could speak, though that delayed his speech. He also had clear sensory needs that weren’t being met. Thankfully, we live in an area with access to resources, and at age six, he underwent neuropsychological testing.
My intuition was right: he was diagnosed with generalized anxiety, ADHD, and Autism Spectrum Disorder. One of the best parts about the testing was that it looked at the full picture—his strengths as well as his struggles—without me having to guess and chase endless specialist appointments. That clarity gave us the tools to support him more effectively, to build on his strengths, and to focus on closing gaps in a way that actually made sense.
The Double Layer of Challenge
Living with fibromyalgia means my energy is a precious, limited resource. I can’t always rely on my body to keep up with trial-and-error parenting. When my child’s neurodivergence adds layers of sensory sensitivities, social challenges, or academic struggles, I know I need a clearer roadmap. Understanding where my child naturally shines—and where they need more support—helps me show up as the parent they deserve, without burning myself out.
Why Early Identification Matters
Early identification isn’t about labeling—it’s about understanding.
For my child, it means they feel seen, supported, and less frustrated. Knowing I “get them” builds their confidence.
For me, it saves energy. Instead of spinning my wheels, I can focus on what works.
For our family, it creates a foundation of compassion and realistic expectations.
Celebrating Strengths as a Foundation
One of the most uplifting parts of this journey has been discovering my child’s strengths. Maybe it’s creativity, a keen sense of fairness, or an incredible memory for details. When I pause to notice and celebrate those gifts, my child feels empowered. And on my hardest fibro days, it reminds me that they are more than their challenges—and so am I.
Acknowledging Struggles Without Shame
Every child has areas where they need support. For neurodivergent kids, that might mean difficulty with executive function, managing big emotions, or sensory overwhelm.
Acknowledging these struggles early helps me advocate at school, seek accommodations, and create calmer routines at home. It also frees me from self-blame when things go wrong. This isn’t about failure—it’s about support.
One of my son’s strengths is drawing; he created this piece in an art class at age 8.
The Fibro Parent’s Advantage
At first, I saw fibromyalgia only as a barrier to parenting. And while it certainly brings limitations, it has also given me something unexpected: empathy.
I know what it feels like when your body or brain won’t cooperate, when rest is essential but hard to claim. That lived experience has become a gift, allowing me to meet my child with patience and compassion—even when my own capacity is low.
In many ways, fibromyalgia has become a teacher for our whole family. By sharing my experiences openly, I’ve shown my kids the importance of listening to their bodies, practicing empathy, advocating for their needs, and understanding that invisible illnesses are real.
Simple Ways to Start
If you’re walking a similar path, here are a few small steps that have helped me:
Watch for patterns: Notice when your child is most regulated or dysregulated.
Write it down: Track observations to share with teachers or providers.
Ask for support early: Therapists, occupational support, and school accommodations can make a huge difference.
Build routines with care: Create rhythms that honor both your needs and your child’s unique patterns.
A Gentle Reminder
At the end of the day, identifying strengths and struggles isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection. Our kids don’t need us to fix everything; they need us to understand them. And we don’t need to do everything perfectly to be good parents; we just need to keep showing up with compassion—for them and for ourselves.
Here’s the deeper truth: when children with ADHD or autism go undiagnosed and unsupported, the risks are significant—higher rates of anxiety, depression, substance misuse, and even incarceration. The National Survey of Children’s Health found that rates of anxiety and depression were up to ten times higher among adolescents with autism or ADHD compared to their peers. [2]
But there’s hope. Research also shows that strong social and emotional well-being is one of the biggest predictors of lifelong happiness, satisfaction, and resilience. [3] That’s why schools are investing in social-emotional learning—and why what we model at home matters just as much.
When we set boundaries, prepare food that works for our families, or say no to what drains us, we’re doing more than surviving the day. We’re teaching our children that their needs matter, protecting their nervous systems so they feel safe, and preserving connection so there’s space for joy. We’re creating a family culture of belonging and protecting our own energy so we can be present for what matters most.
Action Steps
As I write this, I’m in the middle of advocating with my daughter’s psychiatrist to get insurance to cover her stimulant medication. Over a year ago, coverage was denied because she “hadn’t tried enough” other stimulants before finding the one that works. In the meantime, I found a coupon through the manufacturer that brought the cost down to $75 a month—but only for a year. When the deal expired, insurance denied us again, and the price jumped to $120 a month.
After more research and countless phone calls, I asked her psychiatrist to write a letter explaining why this medication is necessary and why the alternatives weren’t a fit. Just this week, I got word that the appeal was approved—our cost dropped to $25 a month. I can’t tell you how relieved and proud I felt in that moment.
All this is to say: don’t give up. Don’t get discouraged. And absolutely celebrate every victory—whether it’s one day without a meltdown, a good night’s sleep, or finally winning an insurance appeal. Each step forward matters, no matter the size.
So this week, I invite you to start small: notice one strength and one struggle—in your child and in yourself. Celebrate the strength. Support the struggle. And remember that in doing so, you’re building a foundation of love, resilience, and connection for your child, your family, and yourself.
You may also want to check out these related episodes of the Fibromyalgia Podcast®:
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[1] Neurodivergent is a term used to describe the different ways a person’s brain processes information, resulting in unique strengths and challenges. This term includes, but is not limited to, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Dyslexia, and Dyspraxia. Cambridge University Hospitals: NHS Foundation Trust, “What is neurodiversity?”, 2025.
[2] NIH National Library of Medicine: National Center for Biotechnology Information, “Heightened Anxiety and Depression Among Autistic Adolescents with ADHD: Findings From the National Survey of Children’s Health 2016–2019”, 2022.
[3] NIH National Library of Medicine: National Center for Biotechnology Information, “Social connection as a critical factor for mental and physical health: evidence, trends, challenges, and future implications”, 2024.
Photos courtesy of Lauren Vazzano
About Lauren Vazzano
Lauren supports moms living with chronic illness while parenting neurodivergent children. Drawing from her own journey, she empowers women to find balance, build confidence, and nurture supportive, thriving families. With compassion and practical tools, Lauren creates a safe space for moms to honor their health, embrace their strengths, and navigate parenting with greater ease and confidence.
