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Originally shared in Episode 172 of the Fibromyalgia Podcast®, adapted for readers of The Fibro Compass℠.
Joy isn’t just about feeling happy — it calms your nervous system, changes your body chemistry, and reduces pain from the inside out.
When you live with fibromyalgia, life can start to feel small. The pain, fatigue, and unpredictability of your body can make even simple things feel hard.
Fibromyalgia can feel like a long taking away of things.
There are hobbies you can’t do anymore, jobs you’ve had to leave, and relationships that fade because keeping up is just too hard. Sometimes it’s as simple as no longer being able to eat the foods you once loved.
Our world can start to shrink around the edges — until joy itself feels impossible.
But even though fibromyalgia can take a lot from us, it doesn’t have to take everything. There are still beautiful moments waiting to be found — and you can create new ones that fit who you are now, in the body you have now.
When Joy Feels Out of Reach
Chronic illness changes everything, and I don’t want to sugarcoat that. It’s hard.
You might have given up things you loved — hiking, dancing, gardening, traveling — because your body simply couldn’t keep up. When every ounce of energy goes toward getting through the day, there’s rarely anything left for yourself.
That loss is real, and it deserves to be acknowledged.
Your body has been in survival mode, doing its best to protect you. But when you’re stuck in fight-or-flight, the parts of your brain that notice beauty, curiosity, and fun go offline. It’s like when a saber-toothed tiger is chasing you — your brain isn’t thinking about how beautiful the sunset is!
The good news? Those joyful parts of you aren’t gone; they’re just waiting for you to feel safe enough to come back to them. Like a muscle that’s atrophied, your "joy muscle" can be rebuilt with gentle, consistent use.
The Science of Joy and Healing
Joy isn’t just emotional — it’s biological.
When you experience something that truly delights you, your brain releases dopamine and serotonin — chemicals that lift mood, improve focus, and even ease pain and help you sleep.
Another key player is oxytocin, often called the bonding or love hormone. It’s released when we hug someone we love, cuddle a pet, hold hands, or share a heartfelt conversation. Oxytocin doesn’t just make us feel connected; it actually helps reduce pain.
Oxytocin calms the body’s stress response, lowers cortisol, and quiets pain signals in the brain and spinal cord. I’ve even had clients whose doctors prescribed oxytocin to help manage their pain!
That means joy, love, and connection are all part of the same healing system. Every time you laugh with a friend, pet your cat, or share a hug, you’re soothing your nervous system and helping your body move into rest-and-relax or rest-and-heal mode.
That means, when we talk about rediscovering joy, we’re not just talking about finding ways to be happier — we’re talking about changing your body chemistry in ways that support real physical healing: better sleep, more energy, and less pain.
Rebuilding Joy With The Joy List
One of my favorite tools for reconnecting with joy is the Joy List, which I first introduced in my book, Take Back Your Life (grab a free copy here) and then again in Episode 13 of the Fibromyalgia Podcast®.
The Joy List is simple: it’s a list of things that bring you joy — both big and small — plus a process for weaving them back into your life.
Set aside some time to think and journal and start with these three questions:
- What are five things that always make you smile, even on the hardest days? Maybe your family, pets, music, art, or being outdoors. The first thing that comes to my mind is my cat, Finn. If you know anything about orange cats, you know they're fun, goofy, and silly. Finn never fails to make me smile — even when he's getting in trouble!
- What used to bring you joy before fibromyalgia? Think about what you enjoyed as a kid, and at various points in your life before fibromyalgia. Don’t edit yourself; we’ll figure out later how to add those activities back into your life in a fibro-friendly way.
- What new things are you curious about but haven’t tried yet?
Get a free download of Tami's award-winning book here.
A few tips as you begin your Joy List:
- Joy doesn’t have to earn its keep. Finn isn’t “productive” — in fact, he often makes me less productive as he sits on my keyboard and creates extra work! Yet he fills my life with laughter and love, which is priceless.
- Honor your Fibromyalgia Wellness Style℠. As a Playmaker, play comes naturally for me. If you’re a Perfectionist, focusing on joy might feel “unproductive.” In that case, add “experience joy” to your to-do list so you can check it off!
Not sure of your style? Take the free quiz here to discover how your personality impacts your fibromyalgia symptoms, flares, and healing.
This first step of the Joy List is just about identifying what brings joy. The next step is discovering why it matters to you, brainstorming adaptations, and planning for obstacles. For the full walkthrough and free worksheets, listen to Episode 13 or check out chapter 8, "How Can I Help Myself?", in Take Back Your Life.
Redefining Joy in a New Season
When I mention modifying activities, do you immediately think, “No, no, no. I can't do that. It won’t be the same!”? I get it. I really do.
But here's the thing — it’s okay if joy looks different now.
Life will change — for everyone. What brought you joy at five years old isn’t what lights you up now. Joy evolves with every stage of life. (I always think of my husband's story of sitting in the basement as a kid listening to records and making fart noises with his best friend. haha!)
Maybe dancing all night turns into swaying in your living room.
Maybe going to the movies becomes movie night at home with family — complete with bathroom breaks and snacks.
Maybe hiking becomes short walks or sitting in the park with a camera in hand.
Maybe a full garden becomes a few pots of herbs on the windowsill.
What matters is the feeling, not the specific activity.
When we chase the old activity, we sometimes miss the feeling altogether. The goal of the Joy List is to rediscover the feeling and find new ways to experience it.
Many of my clients have found joy again through painting, journaling, volunteering, mentoring, or rediscovering old passions in gentler ways. My work is something that brings me joy — and it's the same for every Certified Fibromyalgia Coach®. We do what we do because we love it! Many coaches found this work when they could no longer do their former careers. Instead of being a "poor second", coaching became their first love.
Joy doesn’t have to look like it did before — it just has to belong to you and make your heart sing!
Practical Ways To Rebuild Joy
- Schedule joy intentionally. Treat it like any other self-care appointment. Perfectionists and Prevailers, put experiencing joy on your to-do list just like you do everything else. Your joy is just as important as taking your supplements or eating your veggies!
- Start small. Five minutes counts — watch a funny video, play your favorite song, or cuddle your pet. (I like to think my cats are God’s way of reminding me to take breaks!) Take a minute to look out your window and enjoy the view. Savor your favorite coffee or tea.
- Pair joy with rest. Listen to music while using your heating pad, or try a “lights-out” night like my husband Scott and I do — card games or audiobooks by candlelight. It is rest for our nervous systems, resets our circadian rhythm, and brings us closer together doing things we both enjoy.
- Create a Joy Corner. Fill a cozy spot with things that make you happy — a soft blanket, a yummy candle, a good book... bonus points if you can snag a purring companion! >^..^<
- Keep a Joy Jar. Write down little moments that make you smile and reread them on tough days. You can combine this with a gratitude jar. The things we're grateful for and that bring us joy are often the very same things.
- Start a Love-Notes Box. I keep notes, cards, and screenshots of "love notes" in both a decorative box (for physical cards, and notes) and a folder in my photos app (for those screenshots). I have notes from everyone from my 4th grade teacher to family, friends, and clients — even YOU as a podcast listener. Send me a nice note, and it'll go in my Love-Notes Box! When I doubt myself, I revisit that box — and, of course, photos of Finn always lift my spirits!
Joy is a practice — a "muscle" you can rebuild piece by piece. At first it might feel awkward or even hard, like using a muscle that’s been resting too long. It might even be a little painful. But the more you practice, the stronger that joy muscle becomes.
Over time, those small pieces add up to a life that expands instead of shrinks — a life that feels worth living and worth fighting for.
Finding Hope in Connection
Fibromyalgia may take many things, but it can never take your capacity for joy.
That part of you — the one that laughs, creates, loves, and dreams — it's still in there, waiting. Waiting for you to feel safe enough to practice again.
This week, I challenge you to build or revisit your Joy List. Notice small moments that spark happiness, even for a few seconds. Most of my own list includes simple, everyday things:
- Cuddling with Finn
- Reading by the fire
- Sitting on my deck enjoying Mt. Rainier (below)
- Enjoying an eggnog latte
- Watching funny cat videos
- Listening to music I love
Sure, there are bigger joys on there too — spa days or vacations — but it’s the little things that add up to a life worth living.
Because yes, fibromyalgia takes things away…
but through joy, you can begin to take your life back.
You deserve a life that feels good — not just one you survive.
Action Steps
If rediscovering joy feels out of reach right now, that’s okay. Healing happens one small step at a time — and you don’t have to do it alone.
- Discover your Fibromyalgia Wellness Style℠.
Your personality plays a big role in how you approach healing and joy. Take the free quiz here to learn your unique style and get personalized tips to help you use your strengths to feel better and live well. - Create or revisit your Joy List.
Write down things that make you smile, soothe your soul, or spark curiosity.
For extra guidance, listen to the Fibromyalgia Podcast® Episode 13: “How To Add More Joy Into Your Life” for a step-by-step walkthrough and free action guides. - Start small.
Choose one joyful thing to do each day — even if it only takes five minutes. Remember, it doesn't have to be "useful" or "productive" to be valuable. - Notice how your body responds.
Pay attention to subtle shifts in your mood, energy, or pain when you intentionally include moments of joy. - Share your experience.
Talk about what’s on your Joy List with someone who supports you, or post about it in your fibro community. - Explore related tools.
Read Ann Garner’s article on gratitude, another simple and science-backed way to boost mood and calm your nervous system.
Reach out for help if you need extra support.
Sometimes it’s hard to find joy on your own — especially when you’re exhausted or overwhelmed.
A Certified Fibromyalgia Coach® can help you uncover what lights you up, explore fibro-friendly ways to bring more joy into your days, and support you in creating a life that feels good again.
Schedule your consultation with a Certified Fibromyalgia Coach® today and discover how having someone who truly understands fibromyalgia can make all the difference.
Photos courtesy of Tami Stackelhouse.
About Tami Stackelhouse
Tami Stackelhouse is an award-winning author, founder of the International Fibromyalgia Coaching Institute (IFCI), and one of the most influential voices in fibromyalgia today, having helped hundreds of thousands of people worldwide rethink what is possible with fibromyalgia. Through her signature Fibromyalgia Wellness Framework℠, Tami is helping transform the way fibromyalgia is understood, supported, and lived — moving people beyond symptom management and into a future they once believed was out of reach.
Photo by Emily Broadbent