Starting Small: How Small Steps Create Big Wins with Fibromyalgia 

Traditional goal-setting wasn’t designed for fibromyalgia.

If you’ve ever felt like you can’t make plans, or you’ve stopped setting goals because your symptoms are so unpredictable, you’re not alone. So many people with fibro feel this way, and there’s a very real reason for it.

We’re going to look at why those methods don’t work for fibro bodies and minds — and what actually does.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, discouraged, or afraid to make plans, take a deep breath.

You’re in the right place.

Why Fibromyalgia Breaks Your Relationship With Yourself

Let’s start by naming something that so many fibromyalgia patients experience — but very few say out loud:

Fibromyalgia can completely break your relationship with yourself.

When your symptoms are unpredictable, it’s not just plans that fall apart.
It’s your trust in your own brain and body.

Maybe you’ve had a day where you made a plan — a lunch date, a work task, even a simple routine — and the next morning pain, fatigue, or brain fog derailed everything.

When that cycle repeats, it stops feeling situational.
It starts feeling personal.

People with fibro tell me all the time:

• I’m a hot mess.
• Maybe I’m just lazy.
• I can’t trust my brain or my body.

But here’s the truth almost no one says out loud:

It’s not the goals you’ve lost faith in — it’s yourself.

That self-doubt, shame, and sense of being “unreliable” isn’t a character flaw.
It’s a trauma response to living in a body that changes the rules every single day.

Your brain tries to protect you from disappointment by whispering:

• Don’t make plans — you’ll just cancel.
• You can’t set goals; you never follow through.

And over time, you start believing it.

So let me be crystal clear:

Nothing about this makes you lazy, undisciplined, or broken.

You’ve been trying to use goal-setting tools designed for people with predictable bodies and steady energy. No wonder they didn’t work.

Honestly, they don’t work well for most people — which is why January 17th is unofficially called “Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day.”

You don’t need more discipline or motivation. You need a goal-setting approach that finally fits your fibro body and mind.

So if traditional goal-setting doesn’t work… what DOES?

Four Pictures That Explain Fibro-Friendly Progress

Fibro-friendly progress is different from “normal” progress — and these four simple visuals help it all make sense.

1. The Ferocious Turtle

A friend once dubbed the term “the ferocious turtle,” and it instantly clicked:
fibro progress is slow, steady, and incredibly determined.

Plus, fibro folks are some of the fiercest, most determined people I know. We just hide it on the inside.

With fibromyalgia, slow doesn’t mean weak or lazy — it means wise.
Like the tortoise in the old story, you win by taking one small step after another, not by sprinting.

Everything I’ve built — my books, podcast, documentary, and coaching programs — has come from tiny, ferocious turtle steps. No big leaps. Just steady persistence.

When you feel “too slow,” remember: the tortoise won.

2. “Slow Is Smooth, Smooth Is Fast”

This phrase is often linked to the military, but it applies beautifully to fibro life.

When we rush, our bodies tense, our brains fog, and our pain spikes.
We end up moving slower in the long run — or crashing into a flare.

Gentle, intentional pacing keeps your nervous system calm and your energy steady.

That’s why:

The fastest route for fibro is the slowest, most intentional one.

3. The Ladder With Close Rungs

Imagine two ladders, both ten feet tall:

• One has the first rung six feet up — impossible unless you’re strong and having a great day.
• The other has rungs spaced just a few inches apart — doable for almost anyone, even in a flare.

Traditional goal-setting is the high-rung ladder.
Fibro-friendly goal-setting is the close-rung ladder.

Same height.
Completely different accessibility.

Your goals don’t need to be smaller — the steps between them do.

4. “What About Bob?” Baby Steps

In the movie What About Bob?, Bill Murray shuffles along muttering,
“Baby steps through the office… baby steps out the door…”

Funny, yes — but also true.

Baby steps:

• calm your nervous system
• prevent overwhelm
• get you moving without triggering a crash

And when you stack enough baby steps, you realize:

Tiny steps add up to real change — even when they don’t feel big in the moment.

Why These Four Pictures Matter

Together, these visuals create a new way to think about fibro progress:

• Be a ferocious turtle — small but determined.
• Slow is smooth — and sustainable.
• Keep the rungs close — make steps tiny enough to succeed.
• Baby steps count — and they build confidence fast.

These aren’t just metaphors.
They’re the foundation of how fibro bodies make real, lasting progress — and the exact visuals I use every day in my coaching practice.

The First Step in Fibro-Friendly Goal Setting

People often come to coaching expecting to be pushed or told to “try harder.” One woman even asked me, “If I work with you, do I have to give up coffee and chocolate?”

That question says so much. Fibromyalgia has already taken so much from you — the last thing you need is someone taking more.

When it comes to setting goals, a Certified Fibromyalgia Coach^® isn't going to push or restrict you.
We help you rebuild trust in yourself.

Your First Goal Isn’t Action — It’s Confidence

When we start working together, your first goal isn’t drinking more water or fixing your routines.
It’s restoring that inner belief:

I can set a goal and follow through.

Fibromyalgia chips away at your trust in yourself. Fibro-friendly goal-setting helps you reclaim it.

You Pick the Goals — I Make Them Doable

At the end of every session, I ask my clients:

What do you want to accomplish before we meet again?

You choose the goal — because your body, your life, and your priorities matter.

Together, we then look at whether that goal is doable for the body and life you’re in right now.

"Stupidly Small" Goals

Here’s the part that surprises people:

I make your goals smaller, not bigger.

We shrink them until they’re what I lovingly call “stupidly small” — so doable you can’t help but succeed, even on a bad day.

Because the goal itself isn’t really the point.
The point is rebuilding your confidence that you can actually accomplish things. 

Every little success, no matter how small, sends a powerful message to your nervous system:

I did that. Maybe I can do something else too.

That spark of self-trust is exactly where fibro-friendly progress begins.

And here’s something important to remember:

Even with tiny goals, there will be days your body says “nope.”
That isn’t failure — it’s information. 

A goal you don’t complete is simply a message about what your body needs or what got in the way.
Every unmet goal gives us valuable data we can use to make the next step kinder, smaller, or more aligned with the truth of your body that day.

In other words:

You can’t fail at this. You can only learn.

How to Adapt SMART Goals for Fibromyalgia

You’ve probably heard of SMART goals before — the classic framework used in workplaces, productivity systems, and traditional coaching. And honestly, SMART goals can be really helpful.

But the way most people use them assumes you have predictable energy and consistent functioning.
Fibro bodies and brains don’t work that way.

Here’s how we adapt SMART goals so they actually support the way your fibromyalgia works.

S: Specific

Brain fog loves clarity.

Instead of “I’ll drink more water,” try something like:

I’ll drink 70 ounces of water a day.

Your brain knows exactly what you're working towards — which keeps you from getting overwhelmed.

M: Measurable

A measurable goal is one you can clearly complete. It's binary:

Did I do it — yes or no?

That straightforward clarity builds confidence quickly.

A: Attainable (for the body you have today)

This is the biggest shift.

The real question isn’t:

Is this possible for me?

It’s:

Is this possible for me today — in the body, energy level, and symptoms I have right now?

If a goal only works on your very best day, it’s not fibro-friendly.

R: Relevant to Your Real Life Right Now

A goal can be healthy on paper but completely wrong for your current symptoms, stress levels, or responsibilities.

Fibro-friendly goals match the life you’re living today, not the life you wish you had or used to have

T: Time-Flexible (Not Time-Rigid)

Deadlines can absolutely help — but only if they leave room for the realities of fibro life.

Instead of saying:

I’ll do this by Tuesday.

Try a time window:

I’ll do this sometime between Tuesday and Saturday.

The goal stays fixed.  You have a flexible time window for the deadline — so you can honor flares, fatigue, poor sleep, or unexpected life demands.

The SMARTER Upgrade

SMARTER goals add two elements fibro brains and bodies can really benefit from:

E: Exciting

There needs to be at least a spark of, This matters to me.

Sometimes the excitement isn’t the goal itself — it’s what the goal makes possible.

• You're not excited to work on your sleep...
• But you are excited about having more energy, clearer mornings, or being able to enjoy your day.

That spark counts — it keeps you going when things get repetitive or difficult.

R: Reward or Review

If you complete your goal — celebrate!
Your reward doesn't need to be elaborate — though I love any excuse to buy myself a present! 

What you do need, however, is a moment of acknowledgment.

A soft “I did that!" and fist pump.
A message to your coach or a friend.
A moment to breathe and feel proud.

Celebrating rewires your brain and nervous system to recognize success, which builds momentum — because your brain always wants more of what feels good.

But if the goal didn’t happen?
That’s not failure. That’s learning — and your cue to review.

Ask yourself gently:

• What got in the way?
• Did I break things down small enough for the energy and brain power I had?
• What did I learn about my rhythms, energy, or capacity?
• Do I even still want this?

Reviewing with compassion — not judgment — gives you the information you need to make the next tiny step even more doable.

No failure. No shame. Only learning.
You either accomplish your goal or you learn something.
Both count as success.

Why SMARTER Goals Work So Well for Fibromyalgia

SMARTER goals rebuild the self-trust that fibromyalgia often steals by connecting goals directly to:

• your desires, and
• your brain chemistry.

Each tiny win reinforces:

I can do this.
My body can do this.
I might be capable of more than I realized.

That’s the beginning of sustainable, fibro-friendly progress.

Awareness: The Real First Step

Most people think the first step toward change is to take action — to do something.
With fibromyalgia, that’s often not the case.
Your best first step is usually awareness.

Before you can shift a habit or routine, you have to understand what’s actually happening in the background — the automatic decisions your brain makes when you’re tired, foggy, or in pain.

That’s why many first goals sound like:

• Notice what comes up for you this week.
• Pay attention to how your body feels.
• Watch the thoughts that show up when you try to start.

There’s no pressure to do anything differently.
You’re simply observing.

Why Awareness Works

Awareness gives you clarity.
Clarity helps you see the real barriers.
And once you see the barrier, the next step becomes obvious — and far more compassionate.

A Quick Example

When I was first working with my coach, I kept struggling to cook healthy meals. After missing my goal a couple of times, she asked me to pay attention to what was happening at dinnertime.

Here’s what I noticed:

My counters were covered with… stuff.
You know — keys, mail, random items that just accumulate.

Every time I walked into the kitchen thinking, “I’m going to cook,” my very next thought was:

“Ugh. I have to clean the counter first.”

And since I didn’t have the energy to tackle an hour of tidying before making dinner, I grabbed whatever dinner was easiest.

The issue wasn’t motivation.
It wasn’t willpower.
It wasn’t even the food.

It was the cluttered counter.

Once I saw that, the next step became simple: clear the counter.

Awareness saved me time, stress, and frustration — and it revealed the real problem.

If You’re Stuck, Start Noticing

If you don’t know what step to take next, begin by paying attention.

Awareness turns the lights on — and once you can see what’s going on, it becomes so much easier to take the next step without tripping over something.

Encouragement: Rebuilding Self-Trust One Tiny Step at a Time

Yes, these tools will help you drink more water, improve routines, or make progress on whatever you choose.
But the real transformation isn’t the goal itself.

It’s the rebuilding of self-trust.

Fibromyalgia teaches you—over and over—that your body can flip on you without warning. That your energy may not show up when you need it. That your brain can misfire, and plans can fall apart even when your intentions are solid.

After years of that, of course your confidence has taken a hit.
Anyone’s would.

But those tiny steps you take—those small, doable wins—tell a different story:

• I can do something and every little bit counts.
• My body can do more than I thought.
• I was able to follow through.

At first, these might feel insignificant. But over time, they add up.
You shift from:

I can’t do anything consistently.
to
I can do a little bit.
and eventually
I did this—maybe I can try something else.

This isn’t about perfection.

If you didn't meet your goal, it's still a win — because you learned something.

It’s about reclaiming your trust in yourself, one small success at a time.
No guilt. No shame. Learning and taking baby steps forward.

You don’t need giant leaps or willpower.
You don’t even need a good day.
You just need the next tiny, repeatable step that fits the body you have today.
And to learn from what doesn't work.

And you are absolutely capable of that.

Ready for Support on Your Journey?

If you'd like help finding those tiny, doable steps — and someone in your corner cheering you on as you rebuild your confidence — you don’t have to do it alone.

This is exactly what a Certified Fibromyalgia Coach^® is trained to do.

We help you:

• set goals that work for the body and life you’re living right now
• celebrate your wins
• adjust when symptoms shift
• identify what’s actually standing in your way (because when you’re in it, it’s incredibly hard to see clearly)

Every one of my coaches also lives with fibromyalgia.
We understand your reality, and we know how to tailor goal-setting so it becomes a source of hope, not pressure.

If you’d like to learn more or schedule a consultation with a coach, you can do that here.

You deserve support.
You deserve confidence.
You deserve goal-setting that works with your body—not against it.

Action Steps

Ready to give this a try? Here’s the simple, fibro-friendly process you can follow this week.

1. Choose One Focus Area
Pick just one thing you’d like to make progress on this week — not five, not everything. One is plenty.

2. Set a “Stupidly Small” Goal
Make it tiny. Laughably tiny. A goal so small you could still do it even during a flare.
If you’re not sure where to start, choose an awareness goal like noticing what thoughts or obstacles come up for you.

3. Run Your Goal Through the SMARTER Filter
Make sure your tiny goal is:

• Specific — you know exactly what you’re doing
• Measurable — you can clearly see when you’ve done it
• Attainable — doable for the body and energy you have this week
• Relevant — aligned with the life you’re living right now
• Time-flexible — you have space for flares or interruptions
• Exciting — it matters to you
• Rewarded — you celebrate the win when it's done

4. Celebrate When You Do It
Your celebration doesn’t have to be big. A simple moment of “I did that” is enough to teach your brain to trust you again.

5. Review and Adjust Next Week
Look at what worked and what didn’t.
No guilt. No shame. Just data.
You either accomplished the goal — or you learned something useful.

Want some one-on-one help? You don’t have to figure this out alone. Schedule a consultation with me or one of my students or coaches today, and discover how having someone who truly understands fibromyalgia can make all the difference.